Archive for the 'Government' Category

Aug 05 2008

When All You’ve Got Is 7,000 Howitzers, Everything Starts Looking Like Fluffy Clouds That Must Be Killed

So were our good friends the Chinese Communists satisfied with stealing our gambling profits? Can they rest, now that they’ve attempted to co-opt the world’s venality?

Of course not! Instead, they’ve moved on to actions based on their idiosyncratic mistranslation of a popular Western song, as they set to work in their Army-ant-like way humming “Who’ll Kill The Rain?”

According to this article from USA Today, the Chinese are embarked on an ambitious weather-control experiment:

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Jun 24 2008

Hair-Trigger Reflexes — Not What They Used To Be

Published by Mind Scalpel under Government,Military

Is it just me, or do others notice that the Israelis lately seem to be losing a little bit of that finely-honed combat instinct they’re famous for?

Today, for example, an Israeli policeman apparently committed suicide while on detail at Ben Gurion Airport, guarding the departure ceremony for French President Nicolas Sarkozy.

Now, a guy putting a bullet in his own head and plummeting off of a roof would tend to put a damper on any party, not to mention calling into question the whole psychological-stability vetting process one always hopes governments engage in when they give people guns and put them near high-value targets.

But two other things struck me about this incident. First, as is apparent from this video, the security details never really got out of first gear when responding to the incident. None of the yelling, grabbing their principals and hustling them out of harm’s way; no, more like a molasses-slow, “hey, what the heck was that? gee, why don’t we wander over to the car, sir…” as Sarkozy and his wife slowly walk up the airplane staircase (incidentally enhancing their exposure to potential snipers) and Olmert meanders over to his car.

I swear, Olmert pauses before he gets in his car and waves and yells to Sarkozy, probably saying something like “Hey Nic, once this attack is over we’ll finish up our goodbyes, okay?”

I’d like to attribute this to Israeli nonchalance in the face of mortal danger, but then this little item from the Times Online article kind of leapt out at me:

Israel Radio said that the officer who died was about 100m away from the Sarkozy plane as it waited on the runway at Ben Gurion, Israel’s largest international airport. Two women soldiers who witnessed the incident fainted and were treated by medics.

Um, okay.  There’s a confidence booster!

No responses yet

May 20 2008

Osama bin Laden: A Cappella Geek

I knew we hadn’t fully plumbed the depths of this evil man’s depravity and hatred of all humankind. In addition to his advocacy of mass murder against innocent civilians, this cave-hiding nutjob, according to Newsweek, was an a cappella aficionado:

According to “Pitch Perfect: The Quest for Collegiate A Cappella Glory,” by author Mickey Rapkin, the teenage bin Laden—who opposed the use of instruments—organized a group with his pals. That discovery “was pretty weird,” says Rapkin. “It just shows that a cappella is everywhere.”

My God. Is there no limit to this fiend’s degeneracy? The sooner we MOAB this squirrel, the better.

As an aside, it makes a lunatic kind of sense — I believe certain fundamentalist Muslims oppose the use of musical instruments, so what’s left is a cappella (which is Latin for “without cappella”). No wonder they’re all flagellating themselves! How are they supposed to rock without guitars? Sheesh. Of course, we could always use loudly-played bad a cappella as a stress tactic at Guantanamo. But then the ACLU would be all over us like ugly on a moose.

Now, before all you a cappella fans start coming at me with your feeble little girl-slaps, be aware that I happen to be a fan as well. As those select few who know me know. Shout out to CASA! And check out Pandaemonium, the winner of this year’s Contemporary A Cappella Recording Awards. Bin Laden never got a CARA award, I’ll tell you that!

Come to think of it, that could be what pushed him over the edge….

Update: You can now buy the book that was the original source of Newsweek’s revelation through Mindscalpel.com — choose Amazon or Barnes & Noble, below…


Amazon Barnes & Noble

No responses yet

May 12 2008

Pact With Satan II

Okay, slight modification of the Pact With Satan criteria — here there’s no question of the guy’s talent, but the “eternal youth” side of his Faustian bargain is just so blatant it’s a wonder no one else has called him out about it.

I’m talking about Ted Sorenson, of course. Guy was Jack Kennedy’s speechwriter. Here’s a picture of him back in those days (click on this text).

Now check him out now, with Candidate Obama.

AAaaahhh!!! Serious Dorian Gray action going on here. It’s so clear he’s just bleached his hair a little and changed his glasses. Come on! Does he think the Superman/Clark Kent “disguise” thing works in real life?  The guy is eighty freaking years old! Couple that with Obama’s Svengali-like mastery of cult indoctrination and I’m starting to think diabolical conspiracies.

Okay, maybe I’m just a little jealous. All I’ve been able to achieve so far is a Pact With Stan. Don’t get me wrong, Stan’s a nice neighbor with some cool tools; they’re just not cool enough to sell your soul for….

No responses yet

May 11 2008

The Chinese Are Gambling? We’re Doomed!

I’ve been relatively confident in the likelihood of the United States maintaining its hegemony in the world, not because of the superiority of our military capabilities, but because of the innate corrosiveness of our culture.

You see, America’s international predominance is not based on nukes or aircraft carrier battle groups, both of which are inherently cool and good for impressing the yokels, but rather on these (click here).

Okay, sorry about that, readers who are at work.

Anyway, our secret weapon — so secret that we can spray it out across the world with satellites and yet still not view it as the weaponization of space that it really is — is our mind-numbing, consumerist, degenerate worldview! And I say that as a compliment.

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Apr 22 2008

Setting Them Off

Oh, lordy. Michelle Malkin reminded me that today is Earth Day.

So with the parade of “environmental” celebrities and presidential candidates justifying their ownership and use of multiple-acre mansions and fuel-guzzling, pollution-belching private jets (including – I kid you not – a private 707 owned by John Travolta) by pointing out that they’re purchasing “carbon offsets,” I did a little investigation of that industry, and then a little thinking, which in my case is a dangerous combination.

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Apr 01 2008

Behavior Identification Experts Detect Guy “Acting Crazy”

Published by Mind Scalpel under Government,Terrorism

Well, thank heavens for the crack training we’ve given to some Transportation Security Agency employees. As reported by local6.com, the agents were able to infer that someone might be a threat at the Orlando airport, working only from incredibly subtle cues that passengers characterized as the guy “acting crazy.”

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Mar 28 2008

The Only Thing The Music Industry Is Taxing Is Our Patience

Michelle Malkin relays a Portfolio story on how Warner Music is spearheading a lobbying push for Congress to require a “music tax” be bundled into your monthly internet service provider fee — supposedly for unlimited access to “a database of all known music.”

Apart from the fact that the phrase “new tax” gets most people in a gun-polishin’, survivalist-cabin-buyin’, Libertarian-votin’ mood, the music industry has apparently completely missed the fact that there’s at least one enormous industry firmly in front of it in line: Pornographers!

You heard that right. Do you really think the first thing the geeks who originally developed the Internet thought, when they were done soldering the last wire in place, was “hey, now I can share music with someone”?

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Mar 25 2008

Nukes by Mail

Okay, I admit it. I am torqued. Torqued!

Do you have any idea how much it’s cost me to develop (and, via espionage, steal) my own nuclear weaponry? More than a few peanut butter sandwiches, let me tell you.

And now I see this story, about how we accidentally sent some nuclear warhead fuses to Taiwan. Accidentally! They didn’t even order them! They had asked us for helicopter batteries!

How the hell does this happen? This is worse inventory control than Wal-Mart uses for razor blades, let alone nuclear weaponry, and far worse shipping control than FedEx uses for Christmas gifts.  Is there some vast government warehouse somewhere, jam-packed with both junk and classified weapons technology cluttering the shelves, with some knuckleheaded clerk cruising around on a Segway scooter randomly filling boxes? “Dope-di-dope; well, gee, batteries…batteries…can’t find those…oh heck, let’s toss in some of these doohickeys…they look all electrical-like….” And off the Minuteman missile fuses go to Taiwan.

Continue Reading »

No responses yet

Mar 18 2008

Connecting The Dots: Supreme Court Arguments

A quick observation and inference:

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments today on the meaning of the Second Amendment (it’s examining whether Washington D.C.’s gun ban is unconstitutional, and in deciding that issue will likely discuss whether the Second Amendment guarantees an individual right to keep and bear arms). It also recently agreed to hear a case on the FCC’s power to prohibit foul language on the airwaves.

Here’s my prediction:

The Supremes will decide that we don’t have an unfettered right to defend ourselves with firearms.

But we’ll be able to swear about that as much as we want.

No responses yet

« Prev - Next »