Archive for the 'Blogging' Category

Jul 20 2008

My Secret Cabal’s Farm League

I can’t believe it!  Neil Patrick Harris applied for membership in the Evil League of Evil, which is the farm league for my Secret Cabal Bent on Global Domination!

See his original video here….

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Apr 26 2008

Get Out Of My Head, Google!

Alright, I’m getting annoyed with Google again — this time it’s their automated telepathic behavior predictor/installer that’s really sticking it to me.

Think I’m kidding? If you’ve got Google’s search bar, try typing in the beginning of a general question; Google will then activate its mind-reading scanner (embedded in all computer monitors manufactured after 1992) and tell you what the rest of your question should be, in order of the popularity of other people’s questions. And, more often than not, the question that Google asks ends up being a heckuva lot more interesting than the one you started with, so you ditch your old question and start investigating the stuff that Google wants you to. A few examples:

Original Question: How Old Is The Universe?

I got as far as “how old is,” and up popped the following “suggestions”:

  • How old is McCain? Coincidentally, the answer to this one is the same as the answer to my original question!
  • How old is Hugh Hefner? Hey! I just noticed there’s some old guy puttering around the Playboy Mansion among all those Playmates! How long has he been there?
  • How old is Dolly? People actually care about a cloned sheep’s birthday?
  • How old is Brett Michaels of Poison? Okay, this officially qualifies as a “WTF?”
  • How old is Queen Elizabeth? Apparently kids still have to do history research.

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Mar 20 2008

Blogging — Who’s Really Making The Money?

Years ago, I received some deep wisdom from an extraordinary, modern-day Vietnamese philosopher. Oddly enough, this philosopher appeared on late-night television, surrounded by bikini-clad women, and was aggressively hawking his real estate seminars.

Nevertheless, I learned several important lessons from him, the most prominent among them (for me, at least) being the following (reproduced from memory):

“So I come to the United States, I tell people I want to be rich. They look at me and say ‘You crazy! You poor guy, you poor immigrant, you barely speak English, lots of other people smarter than you, they not rich, how you think you going to get rich? You crazy!'”

“You know what I say to these people? I say ‘You are a loser! Get out of my way! I make it somehow!‘”

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