Jan 19 2008
Pact with Satan? You Decide!
It is quite clear to me that there are certain individuals who have achieved a level of financial success, fame or recognition that cannot be explained by their actual level of intelligence, talent, diligence or any general merit — not even luck can explain it. By Occam’s Razor, then, there is only one remaining explanation.
They have formed a Pact with Satan.
Now, I’m not going after the easy targets. But there are a few about whom I have formed personal conclusions, which I occasionally feel the need to share.
I was seized with a sudden conviction that I was witnessing the result of a Pact with Satan while watching Spiderman 3. That’s right, I’m talking Tobey Maguire. I mean, WTF? Sure, I’ll bet his fans will blather about his acting talent and hard work, and he can act somewhat, if you define acting skills by a quad chart whose x-axis is “widen eyes/don’t widen eyes” and whose y-axis is “smile/don’t smile,” but, come on. Do you know how many completely unknown, incredibly talented, great-looking would-be actors there are out there? And this is the guy they chose to pay $4 million for the first Spider-Man movie (and multiples of that for sequels)? And who gets to smooch with Kirsten Dunst??? Ludicrous. I mean, look at the guy! If he can be a multi-million dollar actor, then I could have been a multi-million dollar actor.
Hey. Maybe that’s what I’m torqued about….
Nah. He made a Pact with Satan.
One Response to “Pact with Satan? You Decide!”
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You know, I’m just not sure. The Pact with Satan hypothesis only works (hell, is only necessary) if you assume that NORMALLY there is a correlation between (a) financial success, fame, recognition, etc. and (b) level of intelligence, talent, diligence, or general merit. A broader example suggest a perfect zero correlation: Russia is a country where a cerebral game like chess is so widely practiced and admired that it is practically the premier spectator sport, and yet the country succeeds only at failing, materially, at least. In Hollywood, on the other hand, where the combined intellectual force of the top 10% is still a few points below “idiot,” they are drowning in money and recognition. (I cannot honestly take credit for this comparison, but unfortunately neither can I remember who to give the credit to. Has kind of a Dennis Miller ring to it, but I don’t think that’s it.)