Mind Scalpel

So now I’m aware of at least one business that is installing the equivalent of “SpeedPasses,” as made by this company, at their cafeteria cashiers. It’s as if it’s been so much effort to get food in this country that we just had to do something to eliminate any conceivable inconvenience: “My god! These people are starving! You can’t expect them to find cash and get change, or wait to sign a credit slip, before they get their food. That would be cruel! They’re practically wasting away!”

So now you can practically run by the cashier (or, given our obesity rates, move at a nice fast waddle) on your way to jam down your hamburger. Helpful this is?

In my opinion, there are some situations where technology should help us speed the hell up (the wonderful (though ultimately Big-Brotherish) Fast Lane/EZ-Pass systems being a great example — especially given the little internal thrill it gives people - okay, me - to rip past all the non-Fast Lane schmucks hunting for quarters as they find themselves in the “exact change only” lane), and others where it’s appropriate to slow us the hell down. This is one where we should have gone the other way. “Whoa, there, Zeppelin Boy! Our integrated tray scales indicate you’ve got about 2500 calories in your dessert alone. Why don’t you re-think that purchase?”

Soon, with the proliferation of planned embedded microchips and RFID tags, we won’t even need electronic-fob-festooned keychains to make these purchases. We’ll just load up our arms full of Slurpees and Whoppers and stagger out the door, while the remote sensors automatically debit our bank accounts.

Assuming the microchips aren’t buried so deeply in our expanding bodies that their signals are blocked.

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