Mind Scalpel

Okay, this should be causing a leettle more controversy than it’s stirred up - according to a reputable scholar of the Koran (who has to publish his scholarship anonymously because he’s reluctant to be stabbed, shot, or blown to bits), it’s possible that the Koran promises martyrs not 72 virgins, but rather 72 grapes - white raisins, to be precise.

This would, I expect, be somewhat of a letdown. Consider:

*KABOOM* “Hello? I am here!”

“Gee, welcome. Here’s your fresh fruit plate.”

“Um, thanks. Say, where are my girls?”

“Girls? What do you mean?”

“Well … you know… the, uh, the virgins.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake. That was a TYPO! Haven’t they corrected that yet?”

“Correct the Koran? Who exactly would dare to do that? The first words in it are ‘This book is not to be doubted.’ ”

“Well, sure, but it doesn’t say ‘this book is not to be proofread.’ ”

“We’ve also got a bunch of anti-editors with scimitars.”

“You have a point there.”

“So, no virgins?”

“No. Sorry. More fruit?”

“Oy. Okay.”

——–

This would also avoid the rather embarrassing questions that would be raised by the plethora of available Islamic virgins, to wit: are things really so bad in the Muslim world that the virgin-to-martyr ratio is at least 72:1? (They’re not importing many virgins from America, that’s for sure…) . Crikey; no wonder they’re blowing themselves up.

I suppose that there’s always the possibility of a different mistranslation - maybe instead of 72 virgins, martyrs get one 72-year-old virgin.

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